Goodbye seems to be the hardest word

This is going to be my last blog from Uganda and it is going to be a blog about goodbyes. After almost a year away, sadly the time has come to say goodbye and it is something I have been dreading for a while. The last 11 months have gone by so quickly that it almost feels like it's been a dream. As I sit here writing this in my hotel room it all feels quite surreal.

Over the last few weeks I have been handing over my medical duties to Nurse Ruth and Nurse Claire (a student nurse who has joined us as an intern for 8 weeks), preparing myself for today and as the end of my time serving here at GSF has been looming closer.
It already started about a month ago when I attended the HIV clinic with some of our children. Walking away from the hospital after having been there so many times, I thanked the doctor for all of her support to me over the last year. As I walked away it was difficult and I was more emotional about it than I had expected. I have found it hard to nurse these special children during their illnesses and in the reality that they have HIV, but what I guess has been equally hard has been knowing that when these kids are sick they don't have mum's and dad's to love them while they are suffering. I am reassured and am able to move on from here knowing that they will continue to get good medical care with the new nurses here at GSF and that there are lots of people here who can give them hugs and as much love as they need. Although I will miss being able to be one of the people that can hold, support and love on these children, they certainly won't be left short of hugs and TLC when I go. 

At times throughout the last year I have felt as though I am in the middle of a comic relief advert where all around me is despair and heartache with too many problems and too few answers. However, during the moments I have felt this I have been so grateful to remember GSF and what an amazing place it is. A place that God is using to reach out to the orphans and destitute children in Uganda. As I say goodbye to the wonderful children, missionaries and staff here that I have become so close to I thank God for having moved my heart to desire to serve Him here this year. For giving me compassion, patience, a strong resilience and a tender heart so that I was able to nurse those I was called to. 
I admit that some days it has been tough and I have wondered if I had been taking any steps forward amongst the many I felt that I would be taking backwards amongst the difficulties of trying to nurse in a developing country but one story that frequently came to mind during my year away has been about the boy and the starfish;

"An old man was walking along a deserted beach one morning. A huge storm had washed millions of starfish onto the sandy beach the night before.  As the sun rose the starfish started to dry out and die.  As he walked he could see a young boy in the distance, as he drew nearer he noticed that the boy kept bending down, picking a starfish up and throwing it back into the water. Time and time again he kept throwing them back into the sea. As the old man approached he asked the boy what he was doing. The boy replied, explaining that if he didn't put the starfish back in the sea they would die. "But", the man said, "You can't possibly save them all, there are thousands on this beach". The boy looked down, frowning for a moment; then bent down to pick up another starfish, smiling as he threw it back into the sea. He replied, “Well, I made a difference for that one.’’
Author Unknown

One of the challenges of working here has been trying to work out how much if any impact I could and have had on the children and adults I have met. It has been hard to know how much I could do in a very short space of time, a year really isn't all that long!! I have learned to listen to God's call on my life and the reasons he brought me here, about just trying to make a difference to the ones who's paths cross with mine. As I have been paying a little more attention to all the small moments the last few weeks and as I have contemplated how much I am going to miss the children I have come to realise that if I have made half as much impact on their little lives as they have made on mine then I have probably done ok!


On Wednesday I said those final goodbyes. It was harder than I ever could have imagined. Africa and so many of the people here have stolen my heart!! As the hour drew closer to me having to drive away I went around the site and stole as many last hugs, held as many hands, took as many last photos as I was able and gave as many kisses as I possibly could in my limited amount of time that was left. It was an emotional morning and it felt like everywhere I looked someone else was crying and saying goodbye to me. I had enjoyed a wonderful few days of saying goodbye to as many people as I could. The missionaries on Tuesday night had thrown me a small goodbye supper and the missionary children sang the most beautiful song to me (see lyrics below). At the Tuesday morning house mothers meeting they sang me a song which they had written themselves which again had amazing, thoughtful and such personal words. I had been approached through the week by many members of staff and children at GSF who had given me letters to say goodbye and brought me small gifts from their well earnt money. The sunset and star filled sky on Tuesday night was one of the nicest I have seen in my year here so it was a wonderful walk home from the missionary party and time to contemplate all God has blessed me with this year. The clear night sky was met by an equally glorious sunrise on my final morning, Africa really is so beautiful and it was making itself very clear about that in my last few hours at GSF! 
What really tipped me over the edge Wednesday morning was when precious Phillip who I have become so close to this year started to cry. I gave him a hug and I made him give me one of his wonderful smiles before I walked him to school and waved to him as he ran to his class. Oh, how my heart aches.....

Now it's time for us to say, Good-bye for just a while, 

and until that day we'll meet again, may God's love make you smile,

And we'll be friends forever, Jesus and you and me, 

He joins our hearts together and friends we'll always be.

Now when you see the sun, you'll know, I see the same one too,

and when you see the stars, they'll say 'hello' from me to you,

And we'll be friends forever, Jesus and you and me, 

He joins our hearts together and friends we'll always be.

May the Lord bless you and take care of you, 

may the Lord be kind and gracious to you, 

may the Lord look on you with favour and give you peace, Amen.