The countdown is truly on. I have 87 days left until I step onto the plane and fly off to my new home for the year. With the days flying by I am starting to have moments when panic rises and I melt down slightly, wondering how I can get all of my ‘jobs list’ complete before I go. Last week was one of those moments however, I managed to do slightly better than have a slight melt down - I properly freaked out and found myself loosing perspective on everything!! It all started when I discovered that my current sofa did not have the fire regulation labels that are needed if I am to rent my flat furnished. Amazingly, and a very timely God-Incidence occurred that my uncle was looking to donate his sofa that week to a good home. My uncle, dad and a number of wonderful friends stepped in to do all the hard work of removing the old one and bringing in the new one (I’m in a 2nd floor flat and you guys are amazing, Thank you!) so that it was there waiting for me when I got home from London. It’s a wonderful sofa and I know that I am very blessed to have had it hand delivered to my home for free without any effort on my part but when I saw it I did loose all parts of brain that work out rational thinking! Seeing the new sofa brought me to tears as it was a very visual display of things changing and a reminder of how in this change I will be stepping out of my comfort zone and all of my home comforts that I am so well adapted to. In that moment I truly felt that I was overwhelmed and unable to stop myself from drowning in all the jobs, admin, planning and preparation that I am currently immersed in. As the week progressed I took time out to catch up with my bible reading notes which last week were focusing on walking on water and stepping out of the boat. As I read through these I was reminded of a number of things;
That by stepping out of ‘my boat’ and in trying something new I will be able to develop my faith. The bible notes stated that in stepping out its ‘the alternative to being average, and it's how you discover your calling’. They also went on to describe how your faith can deepen when you are willing to leave your security and predictability and step out with Him. This is because Jesus isn’t in the boat; He’s on the water!! Following these readings I know that in my willingness to get out of ‘my boat’ and walk where God is calling me, I will continue to face my own little mini storms where I feel that the task ahead is impossible but in these times I also know that Jesus will be walking beside me. Through the risk of personal sacrifice (in loosing my beloved sofa!!) and in feeling that I am in too deep, and that my nice manageable and orderly life feels out of control I am learning to increase my dependence on Him. At the back of my head the thoughts are ever present that I may face rejection and that I am feeling totally inadequate for this call. But I know that even if I sink or manage to walk on the water I will be doing it by living by faith. If I fail I won't be alone, Jesus will be an arm's length away from me. If I manage to leave ‘my boat’ unscathed and walk on the water it'll strengthen me and enable me to do great things for God.
Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
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